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Trusting people is becoming hard

Keeping my grades up is becoming hard

Feeling pretty is becoming hard

Thinking happy thoughts is becoming hard

Doing work is becoming hard

Maintaining a friendship is becoming hard

Doing everything is becoming hard and I don’t like it

100% this

some people will never know the difficulties of eating every day. how hard it is when alls you do is count calories, eat numbers and cry.

"I hate food. I used to think I loved it, because I was fat. But I don’t. I fucking hate it."

It’s ruining my life.

Any help will do :)!

Hellooo :) I don’t usually post text posts on here but I’m just looking for some advice!

Basically I was bullied from being about 6/7 to leaving college at 17 (2 years ago) I was always called fat etc and when I got to 14 I’d finally (at almost 15 stone and 5 feet 8) had enough and decided to lose weight. However, being healthy didnt last long until I found pro ana sites and devoted half my time, and covered half the walls in my bedroom with photos of thinspo. Cara delevigne, Miranda Kerr, Alexa Chung, any form of Victoria’s Secret model, any person with a thigh gap collar bones or who’s ribs you could count went up on my wall and every morning I would get up and hate myself that little bit more.
I started making myself sick at 14, just as I got down to 500 less calories a day, and I was exercising like a trooper, everyone commented on how fab I was starting to look and anyone with a problem like this will know you’re never thin enough. I got down to a UK size 10, from being a 16-20, and at 5’10 I weighed under 11 stone and in my eyes looked amazing, in everyone else’s I looked ill
My hair stared to fall out, my teeth were rotting and decaying and my periods were all over the place.

I told one of my friends who helped me over come most of my issues, aside from the fact I absolutely hate food still. My relationship with it is toxic, if I didn’t have to eat I wouldn’t and I still feel worthless.

My problem and the advice I’m looking for is if anyone has any ways they’ve gotten over social anxiety?!!!
Losing all my confidence has made me go from being so outgoing to so quiet, and I hate having attention drawn to me, it’s starting to be a problem causing me panic attacks when I’m out on nights outs when I walk into a room, or even just doing a presentation in university I start hyperventilating with the tight chest, shortness of breath feeling like everyone’s staring and talking and judging you.
It’s ruining university for me, and its making things difficult between my friends too because they find it hard to understand why I am the way I am, they think I’m joking but I’d do anything to be able to walk into a room and not start with the sweaty palms and tight chest :/

I’m just wondering if anyone’s had any of these problems?! To be honest I want someone to talk to who knows what I’m going through, or who’s been through it. I just need some help and any is welcome.

Thanks lovely people,
Ash x.

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